One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
