there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
