Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
