i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My butt remains clenched, sir.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
