He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
