i can't believe i had my finger in that
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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