just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
