She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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