You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
