He uses pillows to masturbate.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
