scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
