she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
