I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
