my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
