She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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