please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
