I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Two words: blizzard sex
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
