is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
They have beer where we have blood.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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