I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
