I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
