I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Pooping to opera.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
