I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
