Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
