your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
