what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
