operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
