Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
