Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
