I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
