I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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