Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
