mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
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