and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
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They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
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IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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