turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
