I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
this hospital has no fireball
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
