DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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