I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
