Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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