The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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