I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
