she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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