No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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