LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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