i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I can't turn off my feet"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
All I want is dick and wine.
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