I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
