when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
