Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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