so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
