My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
