At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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