She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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