Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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