Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
