My sheets look like a crime scene.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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