I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
