She's JV to your varsity
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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