How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
