Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
