i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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