He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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